I'm good.

I was just looking back at some signatures I have made for myself and my friends at The Parent Path.  I love doing these.  I wonder if I can make some monies somehow?  What do you think, am I good enough?

Products I didn't know I needed (until I saw them on TV)

I'm cheating here a bit.  I don't have cable and don't get to see infomercials so I didn't actually see these on TV.  I was bored one day and decided to look up some infomercials.  Thank goodness I did!  What would my life be without....

Ped Egg
 
 I have been filing the dead skin off of my feet after soaking them. The Ped Egg not only does the same thing but that clean up has me sold!  Why file the mess into the tub and rinse it down the drain when you can contain it and then dump it? I sure do like looking at all of the filed off dead skin from my feet and I can't do that the way I currently take care of my feet.  (Gross!)

Ear Lifts

Seriously people, if your earrings are that heavy just get new ones.  They make some lovely light weight earrings nowadays.

Tater Mitts

I must have the IQ of a genius because I never have that kind of trouble peeling vegetables.  The Tater Mitts have the added bonus of having the water running for every potato you peel.  Silly me, I just wash them all after they're peeled in the name of water conservation.  I now see the errors of my ways.

Big City Slider Station

I am feeling smarter with each infomercial I watch!  Never have I had as much trouble making or cooking burgers as the people in this clip.  What I'm wondering, though, is what happens to the grease from the meat?  The burgers that come out in the commercial sure do look good, but even the leanest of meat has some fat in it.


Hoopnotica

I have boobs.  I don't think I'll ever be able to Hoopnotica, as much as I would love to be the Hoopnotica Queen.

Topsy Turvy Tomato Tree

I hate tomatoes whether they are grown upside down or right side up.  However, I grow tomatoes each year for my kids who love them.  It has involved me digging two holes a few feet apart and planting two tomato plants.  Somehow, my back is still intact.  Weird. I am getting a Topsy Turvy (imitation, I'm sure) though, to try to grow some peppers without having to find a place to plant them.

And of course....
The Snuggie

I wonder how silly these actors feel while filming the commercial.  Trouble with blankets?  Really? Makes you wonder how they remember the process for breathing.

  I love infomercials!

Lesson learnt. Do not use google for some things. It will only make you feel worse.

I have narcolepsy.  It's fun, really.  Yeah.  Fun.  Any who, my face goes numb from time to time.  It seems though that now my face like to stay numb.  And the numbness likes to migrate to encompass most of my head.  And include headaches.  I decided to look up these symptoms on the interwebs.  You know what came up time and again?  Multiple sclerosis.  So looked further into it.

Symptoms include:

• Balance and Dizziness
• Bladder dysfunctionthis is new for me, just started a couple of weeks ago
• Bowel Constipation, Diarrhea and Incontinence
• Cognitive Impairment
• Depressionclinical
• Dry Mouth
• Dysarthria, or difficulty speaking
• Dysphagia (difficulty swallowing)
• Fatigue and Fatigability
• Gait (difficulty in walking)
• Hormonal Influences for women with MS
• Inappropriate Affect (also known as pseudo bulbar affect, emotional incontinence, involuntary emotional expression disorder-IEED)
• Incoordination
• L’hermitte's (Electric shock sensation radiating down spine with neck flexion)
• Mood Liability / Bipolar Affective Disorder
• Optic neuritis (inflammation of the optic nerve)
• Painbut who doesn't have pain, really?
• Paroxysmal Symptoms
• Sensory Impairment, Numbness / Tingling
• Spasms
• Spasticity
• Tremor
• Uhthoff's Phenomena (Heat Intolerance)
• Useless Hand Syndrome (of Oppenheimer)
• Weakness

And here are the symptoms of Narcolepsy:

• Cataplexy (loss of muscle control)
• Hallucinations while falling asleep or upon awakening
• Sleep paralysis
• Microsleep/Automatic behaviour
• Nighttime wakefulness includes
  • hot flashes
  • elevated heart rate
  • sometimes intense alertness
• Rapid entry into REM sleep

All of that affects:

• Physical well-being and safety
• Mental health - including depression, of course
• Intimate relations
• Memory and concentration

Well, there you go. The majority of my MS symptoms are also the symptoms of Narcolepsy. But now, because of my really great decision to look up facial numbness, I will always have in the back of my mind "what if I've been misdiagnosed?" Lessons learnt. I'm an idiot.

I'm back. Did ya miss me?

So I'm back from a wee bit of a hiatus.  An unintentional hiatus. Kevin had surgery and then he went back to work seven weeks later.  I had to adjust to having him here and then adjust to not having him here.  Somewhere in the mix, my blog was neglected.

I thought I would see how I'm doing with my resolution check list.

1 - The top of Madeleine's quilt is almost finished.  I got mad when I kept making stupid errors so I set it aside for a while.  I expect the top to be completed this month.  I am buying the material for Lilly's this month.  This is Madeleine's, except add another chevron on one side and I have two panels done and sewn together.  One more panel is cut and needs to be sews.

2 - I am buying the yarn this month for what I want to make for Victoria and Rosemary. I don't have any plans on having someone come and teach me just how to knit, so this may be interesting.

3 - Wii Fit is going well. I am usually on it five days a week, but there are weeks when I miss a day here and there. Overall, I am happy with my Wii Fit progress!

4 - Weight loss is going well. Five pounds so far this year. If I keep it up I will reach my goal.

5 - Kids helping around the house? Did I really resolve to get that happening? Bwahahahahahahahaha! I did actually do one thing, though. They like to sleep in the family room and I let them once a month on the last Friday of the month provided they clean the family room and rec room ahead of time. They have only missed one month for refusal to clean the rooms. So, baby step, right?

6 - We are not eating out. This resolution isn't exactly hard to keep as we can't afford our grocery bill, much less eating out.

7 - Christmas shopping has begun. List has been made and shopping started. If I keep this up, we won't be spending a lot of money this December. That is a relief. We're also doing a modified buy nothing Christmas.

8 - I can't go to NY. :( Funds aren't there and Kevin will be having round two and three of his procedure this year so I can't really plan a vacation anyway. Sigh...


Not bad for five months in, I don't think.

"It didn't happen, I was never here."

The men in the white suits came quickly.  "Ma'am, this is for your own good", the lead agent said as he pushed his way past me into the house.  I stood silently in the corner as I watched them do their work.  Four hours later, they were gone.  Before their departure, the lead agent took off his mask and looked at me with his steely brown eyes.  He leaned his intimating six foot frame closer to me and said "Remember, this didn't happen.  I was never here."  They were gone without another word.  Looking around the house I knew that, although nothing looked different, everything had changed.  The blog would have to wait until I could figure out if it was still safe.

Narcolepsy does have some benefits

One of the "side affects" of narcolepsy is having vivid dreams.  It is one side affect that I have and the only one that I actually like.  (I especially like it when it involves some really buff naked men.)  I have been saying for years that I watch movies while I sleep and my narcolepsy diagnosis gave me a reason for it.  Last night, I had a really neat dream, albeit some of it involves some not-so-neat occurrences.

*wavy screen, tinkling sound here*

It started when I was at home with my mom and dad at the supper table.  (They weren't my mom and dad, just my dream mom and dad.)  I must have been around fifteen years old or so.  The time period was in the medieval ages (or sooner, it wasn't too clear) and I am assuming it was in Britain. My parents needed to go on a trip somewhere and decided to take me and the youngest sibling along but to leave the other siblings (who never made an appearance they were just mentioned) at home.  We all packed up, hitched a wagon to the horses and off we went.

The first part of the trip was uneventful.  We slept outside and when it rained we had to find cover somewhere.  There were a few days of travel and then we made it into a little town.  It was the town where my father grew up, but it had changed a lot since then.  When he had left, there was pretty much nothing there but now they were starting to put some roads in, there were houses lining the roads, shops, a market and a castle.  We parked the wagon and set out to find my father's friend.  After asking around a bit, we found out that his friend was actually the one living in the castle.  (I want to say the king, but I'm not sure if that's what he was or if it was more of a fortified town kind of thing.)

We went to the castle and found his friend.  He had a bunch of kids, I can't remember them all, but I remember a boy of about seven years old, a girl the same age I was and two older boys in the sixteen to eighteen age range. There were definite sparks between me and the older of the two. The two older brothers were really different from each other, but were really close and one was hardly ever seen without the other.

My father's friend took us on a tour of the town.  He showed us what was around when my father was little and what had been added and when. There was a lot of mention of when the roads went in for some reason.  He then showed us how the town was uniquely set up to defend itself.  With the turn of a crank, all hell would be let loose in the town by means of spears, arrows, canons etc. etc. etc.We were all invited to stay with the family, but my parents wanted to stay in the town.  However, I had really hit it off with the girl so they let me stay with the family.

During the night, the girl and I snuck out and hit it up around the town.  We were out having a good time.  However, as we were sneaking out, one of the younger kids saw us.  She went and found her mom and told her that we were gone and went out to get drunk.  The mom said something to the effect of "I thought they would have left later" and went on her way.

The older of the two oldest boys was sleeping in his room when the little seven year old boy woke him up.  He was sitting in a chair beside the bed and said the his older brother "You didn't say your prayers before you went to bed."  It appeared that the little boy was prone to sleepwalking.  The older brother said something and I really wish I could remember what he said because it was really weird.  Older brother got up, picked up younger brother and put him back to bed.  On his way back to his room, he ran into his mom who asked him to go out and look for me and his sister but to just keep an eye on us and leave us be.  The younger of the two oldest brothers went along as well.  They decided to split up to try to find us.  But the younger of the two brothers (who was not a nice person at all) just went out to have his own good time instead of looking for me and his sister.

The sister and I were out having a good time when we ran into the younger of the two brothers in a pub.  He convinced his sister to let him take me on a tour around the town and we left together.  We walked around the town for a bit and the went back to the castle.  When we got there, he forced me into his room and raped me.  I left the castle and went to my parents and told them. My mother was livid and went to talk to my dad's friend about it.  My dad's friend confronted the boy about it and even though he denied it, his father knew what a jerk he was and didn't believe him.  He had him beaten. My parents decided to pack it up and leave the town and I agreed with them.

Me and my family tried to leave but for some reason couldn't.  It was pouring rain so that could have been it.  I was standing talking to the sister I got along with really well.  We were standing in a certain part of the castle courtyard, near the market I think because it was really really busy, when the oldest brother came up to us and asked us if we had seen the brother who had raped me (he didn't put it that way but I can't remember names).  We said we hadn't.  The oldest brother then looked over our shoulder and said "Oh shit!" and took off running.  There was this really weird noise and the sister looked at me and said, "Don't move!  We'll be safe here if we don't move!"

The brother who had raped me was getting his revenge on me and his father.  He turned the crank that let loose the defences of the town.  Normally, a warning bell would ring and the citizens would all gather at the safety point where the sister and I were standing but the brother didn't want anyone to get a warning, of course.  So, all through the town spears, arrows, cannons and spiky balls were shot.  People were running for the safety of the courtyard but few made it.  I saw soldiers on horse back go down, old ladies shot through the heart with arrows, children impaled with spears.  I saw the king and his wife brought down by the very defences set out to keep them safe.  I saw the oldest brother bring citizen after citizen to safety and then be forced to stay in safety himself when the crowd saw the king die.  They didn't want the younger brother to become king.  There was a lady who was running and made it under some shelter.  We all yelled at her to stay there, that she was safe but she didn't listen and was shot with a dozen arrows as she ran toward the courtyard.  I saw people use anything they could find to shield themselves from the onslaught, only to have those shields torn to shreds by the balls with spikes on them.

When it was finally over, I set out to find my parents and sister.  I did find them and they were alive but severely injured.  I took them to the courtyard where people where bringing the wounded.  The oldest brother was nearby surveying the damage when the younger brother who started it all came down to see him.  He had something in his hand and showed it to his older brother and said "Wasn't that something!  Look at this!  This must have been what the old lady tried to use to shield herself".  He held up a piece of wood painted red and cut into a circle that now had two holes right through it.  The oldest brother was not impressed.  He let his younger brother have it and then, as his first act as the king, ordered his brother killed.  Some guards came and took the younger brother away and the older brother followed.

After a while, the older brother came back.  I was standing with my parents, who had been treated by this time, and he came up to me. I asked him if his brother was really dead and he said he didn't want to do it, but yes he watched him be executed.  He talked to me about how they lost most of their citizens and that he would have to encourage people to get married and start having children right away.  Then he said that he would like to set the stage for all of that and said the him and I should get married right then.  I said that I had my doubts that the citizens would like that after such a massacre and so he asked all of the citizens what they would like.  They all wanted us to get married and so we decided on the next day to be the marriage date.  The courtyard was cleaned up and a carriage with two horses was found for me the next day.  I was dressed in a really beautiful dress and driven around the town so all of the townfolk could follow the carriage to the ceremony.  My parents and sister were there and then the oldest brother and I were married.

And I suppose I lived happily ever after, but I will never know because that's where the dream ended.  Sounds just like a Twightlight novel, actually.  Or maybe even better. ;)

I need a mantra or something.

I am weeks behind in my "My Life In Pictures" posts.  I know this and it is making me mad.  You see, I lost the cord to get the pictures off of my camera.  It will turn up sometime, but until then the pictures will remain on it.

This bothers me on a whole other level besides the frustration of not being able to get my pictures.  I have been on antidepressants now for over two years for clinical depression.  Before I was on them, I was a mess, my house was a mess, my life was a mess.  A lost camera cord then would have been par for the course.  Now, my life is on track and everything has a place.  My camera cord has a place, and it is not in it.  I have worked hard to get to where I am with my depression and something as little as a missing camera cord is enough to make me cry.  It feels like there is someone who walking behind me trying to undo all of the work that I have done.

I know that I'm being unreasonable and that knowledge helps me get through my day.  Things are going to get lost from time to time.  Papers are going to be forgotten to be signed.  We will sleep in on a school day.  These things will happen and I have got to let that go and just accept it as part of life and not think of it as some sort of cosmic bad karma that is out to get me.  I need a mantra or something to chant when these things happen.

The beginning of the end of Kevin's special brain powers?

This is one of my favourite quotes.  I am putting it on a t-shirt.

"I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So now, I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."
- Marcus Cole, Babylon 5

It is my response to those who tell me the everything happens for a reason.

So on Thursday, I had the unique pleasure of sitting in a hospital waiting room for fifteen hours while a team of doctors operated on my husband's brain.  Well, maybe not unique as I'm sure many people have undergone the same thing, but it's at least unusual.  Kevin did really well during the surgery.  For most of it he was awake and the surgeons said that he was in really good spirits through that part.  He was cracking jokes and goofing around with them.  That was good to hear as that's his normal personality.  Then the other surgeon came in to take over and Kevin was put under for the remainder of the procedure.  They were able to get rid of between 40 and 50% of the growth!  That was more than what the surgeons thought they could do at one time!  The surgeons were pleased and so I am pleased.  Kevin will be undergoing the same procedure at some future date to get rid of the remainder of the growth.

What I did during those hours was sit in the waiting room.  I had all these plans that I would go back home, sleep a little, work on Madeleine's quilt for a bit, call a few people and maybe watch a bit of TV.  But when it came down to it, I couldn't leave the hospital.

We got there at 6:00am and registered.  We were sent up to the 2nd floor and Kevin was called in.  I waited in the waiting room for them to get him all ready and settled.  Then I was called back with him.  We talked to one of the anithesiologists that would be with him during the operation.  We found out that there would be a team of anithesiologists and a team of neurosurgeons in there with him and that a bunch  of meeting were held prior so everyone knew what they were doing. Kevin was then taken to MRI and tagged along behind him.  Surgery was scheduled for 8:00 and he didn't leave MRI until 8:15.  Everyone was looking for him because they wanted to get this thing started!  But, 20 minutes late isn't too bad, in my books.  He was then taken to the OR and I was shown to the waiting (and waiting and waiting) room.

I had some breakfast, watched some DVDs on the laptop, read some books and played some games on my mom's DS.  I am surprised at how quickly time went by, actually.  I thought that it would just drag on and on but I guess I was sufficiently occupied to let time pass at a reasonable speed.

I got to see everyone come and I got to see everyone go from that waiting room.  That was kind of hard. At the end, there was three families left including me.  At this point, it was 5:30 and I was starting to get a little concerned that I hadn't heard from the doctors yet.  These families all came after I got there (actually, one of them was complaining about having to be there at 1:00 and still being there at 5:00 and I though "amateur") and I saw these families each get to talk to the surgeons and hear how their loved ones are doing.  Come seven o'clock, I was really starting to get concerned.  But, the surgeons came out at that time and I got the good news that everything went very well.

I didn't get to see Kevin until nine o'clock that night.  I just basically said hi and bye and then went home and crashed.  Well, first I made a dozen phone calls and then I crashed.

That was the day from my perspective.  I am looking forward to hearing it from Kevin's perspective.  So far, my visits have been short as he's still in the neuro observation unit and it's not set up for visiting.  It's set up for the nurses to do their job the best, how unreasonable!  But he called this morning and he is mobile and so I will be able to take him to the cafeteria or the waiting room for a visit now.

It feels really nice to have the hurdle over with.  I am floating on a high of adrenaline and relief right now.  That will end all too soon, but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts!

I think I'm going to throw up

Kevin's surgery is tomorrow.  Doctors are going to slice open his head and tinker with his brain for ten hours. Stop the world, I want to get off.

My life in pictures - week 2

Ah, the 80s.  This me in my favourite dress.  I'm unsure of how old I am, but that wall paper was in our house in St. Thomas.  We moved to the country halfway through grade 2, so I'm guessing I am six or seven here.  It's amazing how well I remember everything in this picture.  From the dress, to the couch, to the wall paper to the plant stand beside the couch, I could tell a story about all of those items!  (And I will. :))


The couch. I hated that couch. It was our living room couch and so was more or less off limits to kids (the family room couch was plaid and I could tell a bunch of stories about it!). I'm not sure what the material was called, but it was kind of fuzzy and when you moved, your clothes wouldn't move with you because of the material. When my mom and dad split, my dad got that couch. It was then his living room couch. It had a smell that always smelled like home. Whenever I was at my dad's house, I would smell the couch.

The wall paper. My mom loved that wall paper. Every once and a while, my mom would switch rooms around depending on how much time she would be spending in any given room. If she was going to be spending a lot of time in the family room, the room with that wall paper would become the family room. If she was going to be spending a lot of time in the living room, that room would be the living room. Me? I thought it looked like our TV trays.

The plant stand beside the couch. My mom and dad got that as a wedding present. It was a marble top and wood base. I'm sure it's the same as any plant stand anywhere. When my mom and dad split, my mom got the plant stand and it came with us when we moved to London. We had this couch that had seven or so pillows that came with it and we would pile the pillows beside the couch when watching TV to give us some room. A friend of mine was over and he decided to jump on the pillows and make himself comfy to watch a movie. Except that plant stand was under the pile of pillows. It broke. And so did the wall. Oops!

I'll talk about the dress next week. ;)

It's true. It's really, really true!

Madeleine just had a wonderful birthday party!  No bouncy house, no play advedure place, no fast food, no pizza just an old fashioned birthday party with old fashioned party games.  And want to know something incredible?  The kids had a great time and so did I.

You read that right, folks. Six eight year old little girls had fun without me spending oodles of money and without  anything more than dress up clothes, fairy dust, crayons and music.  Can you believe it?

My Wii Fit thinks I'm fat!

Take it back, I don't want it any more!  Yet another thing to add to my "Why I Hate The Wii" list.  It called me obese and made my little Mii character fat.

Actually, this is just the first day of me doing the Wii.  Kevin finally got around to fixing what I broke and it's all running tickety-boo.  I am loving it!  Will it help me with my weight loss?  I can hope.  The fact that it's so much fun is sure to bring me back every day.  It's like playing a video game with your whole body!

A funny about a funny

Lenore Skenazy had a link to this comic on her Free-Range Kids blog:

(original can be found here)

I am a free-range parent.  My kids are free-range kids.  Even my five year old is allowed to walk to and from school on her own (after I signed a waiver absolving the school of any responsibility, of course).  But this comic had me laughing really hard.  You see, the other day this very thing happened to Lilly, my ten year old, while I was standing right beside her.

I am the parking lot monitor for the school (RAWR!) and get there about 20 minutes before the bell rings.  My kids either come with me or meet me at the parking lot if they are slow getting ready for school and I leave before them.  Lilly was able to leave with me the other day and I was just standing there waiting for the buses to get there when Lilly, who was right beside me, started laughing/crying.  She stuck her tongue to the metal fence pole.  I laughed at her, told her to keep blowing warm air at her tongue to melt the freezing and then laughed some more. She got free without me having to go get warm water to pour on her tongue and we both laughed at it.  This incident taught me something;  I am a horrible helicopter parent.  I didn't even once think of suing the school.

Wii Fit:1, Sara:0

There are a few things in life that make me feel stupid.  Cars are one.  I just don't care to learn about the inner workings of my vehicle and leave it up to the professionals to take care of it.  But I feel so silly when I go in and tell them the engine does thing grindy kind of noise when I shift* into second.  I'm sure the mechanics are used to this kind of thing and it is not, nor has it ever been, my area of expertise.

But electronics?  Oh they make me feel stupid on a whole other level.  I tried to hook up the Wii Fit today and ended up de-synching all of the remotes.  Do you think I can get them resynched?  No. I cannot.  This wouldn't make me feel so dumb if I didn't have a BSc in computer science.  I try to comfort myself by telling me that there is a difference between electronics and computers but it doesn't help.

So day one with the Wii Fit didn't go so well.  I'll wait until Help Desk gets home (AKA Kevin) and he'll make me feel even stupider when he gets it all working in less than two seconds.  I am so adding this to my "Why I Hate the Wii" list.


_______________________________________________
*I originally put "shit into second".  That's really gross.

My life in pictures - week 1

I have decided that once a week I will be posting a picture that has to do with my life.  It may be a recent picture or and old one, but it will be accompanied by a story.  So here is week one!

Rosemary turned four on January 6th. For birthdays, we always let the honouree choose what we will have for dinner. We were at my mom's house on the 3rd to celebrate my 34th birthday and had spaghetti. Rosemary thought that was a wonderful idea and so decided we should have spaghetti for her birthday too. My mom has a kick-ass sauce recipe (that I took with me when I moved out for the first time, of course) but I didn't have all of the ingredients to make it. Lilly and Madeleine were in school so I bundled up the other two and we walked to the grocery store.

When we got to the store, I checked my wallet for the list and noticed that I forgot my money. Sigh... So, we walked back home and I went inside to grab the cash but it wasn't there. YIKES! It was nephew's rent money for January and it's what I use for groceries so I was a bit confused that it wasn't in its usual spot. I called Kevin at work (something I don't like to do) and he told me that he put it in his wallet. Why, I don't know but I didn't really press the issue.

Fortunately for me, nephew was home and in exchange for a ride to school loaned me $30. It was an adventure for us and what always goes on in the back of my mind now is that how, two years ago before I was on my depression meds, I would not have been able to handle that situation.

Here are Victoria and Rosemary waiting patiently while I brush off the car that I hadn't planned on using.

It's 2010 - well four days in

Here is what I hope to accomplish in 2010.  Most of these are trivial little things, but they're my things so they are important to me.

1 - I hope to make a quilt for Lilly and a quilt for Madeleine.  I have the templates all made out and the fabric for Madeleine's bought.  I will have to get my sewing machine tuned up before I start.  Right now, I can mend things on it but I don't trust it to do anything heavy duty.  It's been a while since I've sewn and I'm looking forward to it!

2 - I want to learn to knit.  I know how, really, but have never spent the time to knit anything substantial.  I want to knit a vest for Rosemary and a vest for Victoria.

3 - I want to exercise at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week.  I got a Wii fit for Christmas and I am hoping that mixing my love for video games with my hatred for exercising will make it better for me.

4 - Along with that, I want to lose 20 pounds this year.  That's less than two pounds a week so I think it's doable.  I lost 15 pounds in four months last year.

5 - I would like to get the kids back to helping out more around the house.  I had to stop that with my depression.  I needed to take the path of least resistance and so I had to forget about them helping me out.  Now that I'm on the road to recovery (I still have a ways to go) I think I can get something going for the kids.

6 - I am going to eat out less this year.  We can't afford it and it's not healthy.  I think once every two months should be a good amount.  If that means making canned soup for supper a lot, then so be it.

7 - I want to get Christmas presents all throughout the year and spread out the spending.  I guess I'll have to make my list now, then.  Hey, maybe I'll be able to find some really nice sales!  But, it does mean I have to go shopping more often.  *shudder*

8 - I want to make it to NY to visit Dana.

So, there you go.  8 things I hope to accomplish in 2010. How boring am I?

Six reasons not to have kids

So I did my ten real reasons to have kids.  I think I should post reasons not to have them.  I'm not talking about the old "your body never goes back" kind of things.  Those reasons just don't seem to matter once you have kids.  These are six real reasons not to have kids, that still do matter once you have them (in no particular order).

4 - Head lice.
With communal child care, be it daycare or school, comes many communicable diseases.  Those are to be expected.  Anyone can handle wiping noses and the occasional vomit.  But, along with the communicable diseases comes communicable parasites.  I just spent the better part of the week picking lice and eggs out of all four of my kids' hair and not once did I ever think "oh, but having kids is just soooooo worth it!"  (Although, there was the satisfying little pop the lice made when I squished them.  That was kind of cool.)

1 - Whining.
I. Hate. Whining.  A kid in the throes of a tantrum?  Yeah, that I can take.  After all, it's just their way of expressing themselves and it usually can be fixed with a big ol' hug.  But whining?  Ugh.  Every kid ever born at some point or another will whine.  And as they're turning a one syllable word into two or three syllables ("Mooooo-ooooooo-oooommmmm!"), there is no amount of rainbows and kittens that will make it better.  A whining kid will bring anyone out of their happy place.  I always tell my kids to "ask again with a smile on your face" when they whine.  It's impossible to whine with a smile on your face.  Try it.  But, this usually results in more whining that they "doooo-oooon't waaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaannnnaaa-aaaaa".

4 - Parent teacher night.
There is nothing quite like being stuck in a room full of parents who think their child is the most precious and special thing to ever grace the face of the planet.  Parent teacher night seems to be the best (or worst I suppose) place to witness this.  So, as you're standing there looking at your child's art and ooohing and aaaahing privately with them, there will be at least seven other sets of parents who will be competing with each other to be heard over everything else in the room.  "Oh Johnny! That's just the most beautiful silhouette I have ever seen!  You are the most talented artist in this class!"  "Uh, mom/dad? That's Kelly's.  Mine's over here".

5 - Never ending adive from other parents.
I'm dong it all wrong.  I've learnt that from many people.  Unfortunately, punching them is illegal so if you have kids, you just have to put up with it.

6 - Laundry.
My mom will tell me to suck it up and that I have it easy.  To hear her tell it, when she was first married, they had a laundry situation that looked like this:

But even someone who doesn't mind laundry would piss and moan at all of the extra stuff that needs to be done with even one kid.  They're dirty little buggers, they are.  And they don't care about the extra work they make for you.

3 - Routine, routine, routine.

I'm not a routine person.  I like some semblance of a routine, but I firmly believe that routines are made to be broken.  Not so with kids.  Here is my weekly routine: Monday - Laundry.  Tuesday - Clean the house day. Wednesday - Grocery and baking day.  Thursday - Clean the basement day. Friday - My day.  Weekends - Running around.  So, if on Monday I decide to break my routine and forget the laundry to wrap the Christmas presents, we run out of clean clothes and I'm left doing laundry on my day.  If I don't clean the house on Tuesday, it gets unlivable by Thursday.  See where I'm going with this?  Now, I know all of that is true for people who don't have kids, but scrambling for clean clothes or foraging for food when I don't get groceries was doable when it was just me and my husband.  Annoying, yes.  Doable, yes.  But, once I added a kid into the mix, that routine had to be kept.

2 - Bedtime stories

You may hear some parents tell you how they love to read to their kids.  Well, I do too.  But, how many times can I read "The Going To Bed Book"* without wanting to throw the darn thing across the room.  I can actually recite it by heart.  *ahem*

The sun has set not long ago.

Now everybody goes below.

To take a bath in one big tub.

With soap all over SCRUB SCRUB SCRUB!

They hang their towels on the wall.

And find pyjamas big and small.

With some on top and some beneath.

They brush and brush and brush their teeth.

And when the moon is on the rise.

They all go up to exercise!

Then down once more but not so fast.

They're on their way to bed at last.

The day is done, they say goodnight.

And somebody turns off the light.

The moon is high, the sea is deep

They rock and rock and rock to sleep.

I would like to change it up a bit and maybe read Fox in Socks more often, but The Going To Bed Book is the required reading around here.

So, if you don't have kids or don't want kids, the next time someone asks you why, you can add these reasons to arsenal.

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*Good gracious, people are just so stupid.  While typing this out, I decided to check out what other parents think of The Going to Bed Book.  I really don't mind it.  The pictures are cute, the rhymes are soothing and the very last line just encourages you to rock your kids.  A break from it would be nice, but it's nice and cute.  Here's what one reviewer said about it:

They take their baths, put on their pajamas and brush their teeth. Now this is the part where I had a teensy problem...after brushing their teeth, the characters all go and exercise before going to bed. Now I don't know about you, but a two-year-old exercising before bedtime around here is a recipe for...well...a two-year-old not going to sleep. So I freely admit that I kind of skip that page....

I do recommend the book if you don't have a problem with the exercise bit or if you have a child who does NOT feel the need to mimic everything they see or read. It really is a lovely toddler's book for either gender.

Seriously?  People have a problem with a book showing cartoon animals exercising right before bed.  They think their kids will actually want to mimic that?  Some parents even said the skip over that part.  People are just so stupid.  (Which brings us right back to my point number five, doesn't it?)

A not so nice memory

Why do people take pictures of and publicly post kids doing things that would embarrass them if their friends found out?  Here's the scenerio:

I'm eleven years old.  I live with my mom, sister and brother in the end unit of a decent townhouse complex.  My sister hates me and does whatever she can to make my life hell (no longer the case, just to clear that up).  Due to this, I have what I call "bathroom issues" (since resolved, I'm happy to say).  One day, I have to utilize the facilities for an extended period of time (take a dump) but I don't want to stop practising my trumpet (because I'm a geek).  So I decide to take my trumpet into the bathroom with me, seeing as how I'm home alone.  The lock on said bathroom is non-functioning for some reason (probably due to something me, my sister or brother did).  While I'm playing and doing my business, my sister comes home and flings the door open and starts laughing at me.  Then she decides that isn't enough humiliation and yells out the windows "Sara plays the trumpet on the toilet!".  Then she decides that himiliation also is not enough and goes back out and tells all of the kids playing out in the complex about it.

This is the exact same thing as when people post embarrassing pitcures of their kids on Facebook.  I'm not talking about little kids doing crazy little kid things.  I'm talking about older kids doing off the wall oder kids things (like playing their trumpet on the toilet).  Sure it's a funny story to share with your friends but visual aid is not required and never in a place where their friends may come across it.  When their parents comment on that picture, it will show up in the feeds of the kid's friends if they are Facebook friends with their parents.

So, parents, stop it.  Your kids will suffer through humiliation enough just by going through puberty.  You don't need to add to it.  Besides, do you want them to feel like I do now when I think about that incident?  No you don't, because I can tell you that I don't get the warm fuzzies about my sister when I think about it.

A story... told by my cats

Commander of the parking lot! Dictator of traffic!

I am the parking lot monitor for the girls' school.  It's an insane situation in that parking lot and so I volunteered to help out.  You see, the school is on the end of a dead end street and the parking lot has an area for the buses to turn around using a three (or more) point turn.  Most drivers wait to enter the lot until the bus has turned around but there are some who try to navigate around the bus making it a bit of an intense situation.  I was asked to stop the traffic for the buses because of these few people.  There are also some people who park in the turn around zone.  Mostly, they're people who don't normally drive their kids to school and so they don't know the drill.  If the buses haven't all come yet, I ask them to move and point to the parking along the fence where it's safe for them.

Then there's the parking lot itself.  Oy.  There is a certain flow that parents need to follow and it's a strictly one way flow.  Once the buses come, I usually just stand at the side of the lot and help people who don't know the drill or ask people who park in the "drop off zone" to park along the fence.  I usually only have to move from my post at the fence once a week.

Today! Ugh!  While I was stopping the traffic for the buses, someone parked in the "enter" area of the parking lot not realizing it is not a parking space.  I didn't see who it was and so I couldn't stop them.  So now instead of an enter and exit area of the lot, we have only one lane.  I got to play traffic cop and direct the traffic in the parking lot so sanity would remain.  I felt like such a jerk stopping people coming in to let out the three cars leaving the drop off zone but it had to be done.  Most people smiled and gave me the WTF look and I would just shake my head, shrug my shoulders and smile back.  One lady rolled down her window on the way out to tell me I was doing a wonderful job in my role of parking lot cop today!

So, it's nice to be appreciated.  I knew that when I was just standing there I was helping people, even in a small way, but today it was so nice to be told that I am appreciated.  The car turned out to be a substitute teacher's car and so I met him in the lot and told him the routine.  Then he moved his car and all was good.

All hail Sara!  Dictator of traffic!  Commander of the parking lot!  All cars know me and fear my wrath!