When I first made this blog, I was not in a creative mood at all. I wanted a space to write some thoughts and articles on parenting, my life, depression, narcolepsy, God and anything else that effects my day to day life. While the old title "Living my life... one catastrophe at a time" is certainly apropos to my life*, I didn't ever really like it. I was just not in a creative frame of mind and even considered call this blog "Not Very Creative", but I just stuck with the original title. I had thought of "Out of the frying pan and into the fire", but turned that one down too.
One of my all time favourite books is Watership Down by Richard Adams. It is a story of optimism, triumph, nature and the natural order of things and what happens when an outside force interferes with it. When I am in a funk, I like to read bits and pieces of it. I read it in its entirety at least once a year. Hazel's optimism and determination is contagious. Add that to his all-too-human ability to make a large error in judgment and his none-too-human ability to learn from those lapses. Then add Bigwig's simplistic nature and his willingness to do what it takes to keep the warren from extinction. Throw into the mix each rabbit's ability to recognize their own weaknesses and strengths and their reliance on each other without the jealousy that certainly occurs too often in our human culture and I feel very uplifted when I read this story.
I got the new title from Watership Down:
Human beings say, ‘It never rains but it pours.’ This is not very apt, for it frequently does rain without pouring. The rabbit’s proverb is better expressed. They say, ‘One cloud feels lonely’: and indeed it is true that the appearance of a single cloud often means that the sky will soon be overcast.The clouds in my life are always in good company. The blue skies between are the times when we are waiting for the next storm, but aren't the blue skies just beautiful?
* I feel like I should explain why I feel this way about my life.
My life has been a difficult one, but a happy one. I have been hit with life experiences that most people have not. Some have been my doing and some are completely random. It has been the case that when one situation ends, another is just around the corner. When things are going well for me, something is sure to go wrong. Always. I don't mean this in a negative way, but I am just stating a fact. I can roll with these punches and adapt to almost anything thrown at me.
I have yet to reach my breaking point and my faith in God has not wavered through anything. I have not "turned it over to God" as those who live lives that are uncomplicated suggest we do. I am forever grateful for what I do have and am forever thankful that I have persevered through everything. I thank God for that, but in no way to I believe that God has "pulled me through" situations. And in the same way, in no way do I believe that God is responsible for giving me a life that has been filled with more downs than ups. I don't believe God micromanages His creation that way. I believe that miracles do happen, and I give God 100% credit for those! But if I give Him credit for making all of the good stuff happen, does that not also imply that He is responsible for all of the bad stuff as well?
What God does in my life is comforts me. When I ask for comfort, I am given it. When I ask for peace of mind, God gives it to me. When I ask God to let me know that everything will be fine, I can almost feel His presence physically. I don't ever ask God to let me know what I should do, because then I will be left unfulfilled.I believe that my happiness is a choice. I could easily despair. When I feel myself going down that path, that is when I need the comfort and peace of mind. God is not here to micromanage our lives and will not tell us what to do and will not make us happy. But when we "turn to Him" (as my evangelical brothers and sisters like to call it), He is there to help us. And so, I can't give God all the credit for my life, but neither can I give him the blame.
Many don't agree with me, and that's fine. We can't all live in a world where each person thinks the same way.