Friday, January 29, 2010

I need a mantra or something.

I am weeks behind in my "My Life In Pictures" posts.  I know this and it is making me mad.  You see, I lost the cord to get the pictures off of my camera.  It will turn up sometime, but until then the pictures will remain on it.

This bothers me on a whole other level besides the frustration of not being able to get my pictures.  I have been on antidepressants now for over two years for clinical depression.  Before I was on them, I was a mess, my house was a mess, my life was a mess.  A lost camera cord then would have been par for the course.  Now, my life is on track and everything has a place.  My camera cord has a place, and it is not in it.  I have worked hard to get to where I am with my depression and something as little as a missing camera cord is enough to make me cry.  It feels like there is someone who walking behind me trying to undo all of the work that I have done.

I know that I'm being unreasonable and that knowledge helps me get through my day.  Things are going to get lost from time to time.  Papers are going to be forgotten to be signed.  We will sleep in on a school day.  These things will happen and I have got to let that go and just accept it as part of life and not think of it as some sort of cosmic bad karma that is out to get me.  I need a mantra or something to chant when these things happen.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The beginning of the end of Kevin's special brain powers?

This is one of my favourite quotes.  I am putting it on a t-shirt.
"I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So now, I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."
- Marcus Cole, Babylon 5
It is my response to those who tell me the everything happens for a reason.

So on Thursday, I had the unique pleasure of sitting in a hospital waiting room for fifteen hours while a team of doctors operated on my husband's brain.  Well, maybe not unique as I'm sure many people have undergone the same thing, but it's at least unusual.  Kevin did really well during the surgery.  For most of it he was awake and the surgeons said that he was in really good spirits through that part.  He was cracking jokes and goofing around with them.  That was good to hear as that's his normal personality.  Then the other surgeon came in to take over and Kevin was put under for the remainder of the procedure.  They were able to get rid of between 40 and 50% of the growth!  That was more than what the surgeons thought they could do at one time!  The surgeons were pleased and so I am pleased.  Kevin will be undergoing the same procedure at some future date to get rid of the remainder of the growth.

What I did during those hours was sit in the waiting room.  I had all these plans that I would go back home, sleep a little, work on Madeleine's quilt for a bit, call a few people and maybe watch a bit of TV.  But when it came down to it, I couldn't leave the hospital.

We got there at 6:00am and registered.  We were sent up to the 2nd floor and Kevin was called in.  I waited in the waiting room for them to get him all ready and settled.  Then I was called back with him.  We talked to one of the anithesiologists that would be with him during the operation.  We found out that there would be a team of anithesiologists and a team of neurosurgeons in there with him and that a bunch  of meeting were held prior so everyone knew what they were doing. Kevin was then taken to MRI and tagged along behind him.  Surgery was scheduled for 8:00 and he didn't leave MRI until 8:15.  Everyone was looking for him because they wanted to get this thing started!  But, 20 minutes late isn't too bad, in my books.  He was then taken to the OR and I was shown to the waiting (and waiting and waiting) room.

I had some breakfast, watched some DVDs on the laptop, read some books and played some games on my mom's DS.  I am surprised at how quickly time went by, actually.  I thought that it would just drag on and on but I guess I was sufficiently occupied to let time pass at a reasonable speed.

I got to see everyone come and I got to see everyone go from that waiting room.  That was kind of hard. At the end, there was three families left including me.  At this point, it was 5:30 and I was starting to get a little concerned that I hadn't heard from the doctors yet.  These families all came after I got there (actually, one of them was complaining about having to be there at 1:00 and still being there at 5:00 and I though "amateur") and I saw these families each get to talk to the surgeons and hear how their loved ones are doing.  Come seven o'clock, I was really starting to get concerned.  But, the surgeons came out at that time and I got the good news that everything went very well.

I didn't get to see Kevin until nine o'clock that night.  I just basically said hi and bye and then went home and crashed.  Well, first I made a dozen phone calls and then I crashed.

That was the day from my perspective.  I am looking forward to hearing it from Kevin's perspective.  So far, my visits have been short as he's still in the neuro observation unit and it's not set up for visiting.  It's set up for the nurses to do their job the best, how unreasonable!  But he called this morning and he is mobile and so I will be able to take him to the cafeteria or the waiting room for a visit now.

It feels really nice to have the hurdle over with.  I am floating on a high of adrenaline and relief right now.  That will end all too soon, but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I think I'm going to throw up

Kevin's surgery is tomorrow.  Doctors are going to slice open his head and tinker with his brain for ten hours. Stop the world, I want to get off.

Monday, January 18, 2010

My life in pictures - week 2

Ah, the 80s.  This me in my favourite dress.  I'm unsure of how old I am, but that wall paper was in our house in St. Thomas.  We moved to the country halfway through grade 2, so I'm guessing I am six or seven here.  It's amazing how well I remember everything in this picture.  From the dress, to the couch, to the wall paper to the plant stand beside the couch, I could tell a story about all of those items!  (And I will. :))
My favourite dress

The couch. I hated that couch. It was our living room couch and so was more or less off limits to kids (the family room couch was plaid and I could tell a bunch of stories about it!). I'm not sure what the material was called, but it was kind of fuzzy and when you moved, your clothes wouldn't move with you because of the material. When my mom and dad split, my dad got that couch. It was then his living room couch. It had a smell that always smelled like home. Whenever I was at my dad's house, I would smell the couch.

The wall paper. My mom loved that wall paper. Every once and a while, my mom would switch rooms around depending on how much time she would be spending in any given room. If she was going to be spending a lot of time in the family room, the room with that wall paper would become the family room. If she was going to be spending a lot of time in the living room, that room would be the living room. Me? I thought it looked like our TV trays.

The plant stand beside the couch. My mom and dad got that as a wedding present. It was a marble top and wood base. I'm sure it's the same as any plant stand anywhere. When my mom and dad split, my mom got the plant stand and it came with us when we moved to London. We had this couch that had seven or so pillows that came with it and we would pile the pillows beside the couch when watching TV to give us some room. A friend of mine was over and he decided to jump on the pillows and make himself comfy to watch a movie. Except that plant stand was under the pile of pillows. It broke. And so did the wall. Oops!

I'll talk about the dress next week. ;)

Friday, January 15, 2010

It's true. It's really, really true!

Madeleine just had a wonderful birthday party!  No bouncy house, no play advedure place, no fast food, no pizza just an old fashioned birthday party with old fashioned party games.  And want to know something incredible?  The kids had a great time and so did I.

You read that right, folks. Six eight year old little girls had fun without me spending oodles of money and without  anything more than dress up clothes, fairy dust, crayons and music.  Can you believe it?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

My Wii Fit thinks I'm fat!

Take it back, I don't want it any more!  Yet another thing to add to my "Why I Hate The Wii" list.  It called me obese and made my little Mii character fat.

Actually, this is just the first day of me doing the Wii.  Kevin finally got around to fixing what I broke and it's all running tickety-boo.  I am loving it!  Will it help me with my weight loss?  I can hope.  The fact that it's so much fun is sure to bring me back every day.  It's like playing a video game with your whole body!

Monday, January 11, 2010

A funny about a funny

Lenore Skenazy had a link to this comic on her Free-Range Kids blog:
(original can be found here)

I am a free-range parent.  My kids are free-range kids.  Even my five year old is allowed to walk to and from school on her own (after I signed a waiver absolving the school of any responsibility, of course).  But this comic had me laughing really hard.  You see, the other day this very thing happened to Lilly, my ten year old, while I was standing right beside her.

I am the parking lot monitor for the school (RAWR!) and get there about 20 minutes before the bell rings.  My kids either come with me or meet me at the parking lot if they are slow getting ready for school and I leave before them.  Lilly was able to leave with me the other day and I was just standing there waiting for the buses to get there when Lilly, who was right beside me, started laughing/crying.  She stuck her tongue to the metal fence pole.  I laughed at her, told her to keep blowing warm air at her tongue to melt the freezing and then laughed some more. She got free without me having to go get warm water to pour on her tongue and we both laughed at it.  This incident taught me something;  I am a horrible helicopter parent.  I didn't even once think of suing the school.

Wii Fit:1, Sara:0

There are a few things in life that make me feel stupid.  Cars are one.  I just don't care to learn about the inner workings of my vehicle and leave it up to the professionals to take care of it.  But I feel so silly when I go in and tell them the engine does thing grindy kind of noise when I shift* into second.  I'm sure the mechanics are used to this kind of thing and it is not, nor has it ever been, my area of expertise.

But electronics?  Oh they make me feel stupid on a whole other level.  I tried to hook up the Wii Fit today and ended up de-synching all of the remotes.  Do you think I can get them resynched?  No. I cannot.  This wouldn't make me feel so dumb if I didn't have a BSc in computer science.  I try to comfort myself by telling me that there is a difference between electronics and computers but it doesn't help.

So day one with the Wii Fit didn't go so well.  I'll wait until Help Desk gets home (AKA Kevin) and he'll make me feel even stupider when he gets it all working in less than two seconds.  I am so adding this to my "Why I Hate the Wii" list.

*I originally put "shit into second".  That's really gross.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

My life in pictures - week 1

I have decided that once a week I will be posting a picture that has to do with my life.  It may be a recent picture or and old one, but it will be accompanied by a story.  So here is week one!

Rosemary turned four on January 6th. For birthdays, we always let the honouree choose what we will have for dinner. We were at my mom's house on the 3rd to celebrate my 34th birthday and had spaghetti. Rosemary thought that was a wonderful idea and so decided we should have spaghetti for her birthday too. My mom has a kick-ass sauce recipe (that I took with me when I moved out for the first time, of course) but I didn't have all of the ingredients to make it. Lilly and Madeleine were in school so I bundled up the other two and we walked to the grocery store.

When we got to the store, I checked my wallet for the list and noticed that I forgot my money. Sigh... So, we walked back home and I went inside to grab the cash but it wasn't there. YIKES! It was nephew's rent money for January and it's what I use for groceries so I was a bit confused that it wasn't in its usual spot. I called Kevin at work (something I don't like to do) and he told me that he put it in his wallet. Why, I don't know but I didn't really press the issue.

Fortunately for me, nephew was home and in exchange for a ride to school loaned me $30. It was an adventure for us and what always goes on in the back of my mind now is that how, two years ago before I was on my depression meds, I would not have been able to handle that situation.

Here are Victoria and Rosemary waiting patiently while I brush off the car that I hadn't planned on using.


Monday, January 4, 2010

It's 2010 - well four days in

Here is what I hope to accomplish in 2010.  Most of these are trivial little things, but they're my things so they are important to me.

1 - I hope to make a quilt for Lilly and a quilt for Madeleine.  I have the templates all made out and the fabric for Madeleine's bought.  I will have to get my sewing machine tuned up before I start.  Right now, I can mend things on it but I don't trust it to do anything heavy duty.  It's been a while since I've sewn and I'm looking forward to it!

2 - I want to learn to knit.  I know how, really, but have never spent the time to knit anything substantial.  I want to knit a vest for Rosemary and a vest for Victoria.

3 - I want to exercise at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week.  I got a Wii fit for Christmas and I am hoping that mixing my love for video games with my hatred for exercising will make it better for me.

4 - Along with that, I want to lose 20 pounds this year.  That's less than two pounds a week so I think it's doable.  I lost 15 pounds in four months last year.

5 - I would like to get the kids back to helping out more around the house.  I had to stop that with my depression.  I needed to take the path of least resistance and so I had to forget about them helping me out.  Now that I'm on the road to recovery (I still have a ways to go) I think I can get something going for the kids.

6 - I am going to eat out less this year.  We can't afford it and it's not healthy.  I think once every two months should be a good amount.  If that means making canned soup for supper a lot, then so be it.

7 - I want to get Christmas presents all throughout the year and spread out the spending.  I guess I'll have to make my list now, then.  Hey, maybe I'll be able to find some really nice sales!  But, it does mean I have to go shopping more often.  *shudder*

8 - I want to make it to NY to visit Dana.

So, there you go.  8 things I hope to accomplish in 2010. How boring am I?